I've got like 500 ideas bouncing around in my head. Seriously. When I was a gym/workout rat (trust me, those days are LONG gone), I loved attending all the different workout classes. I went to Step, Spinning, Kickboxing, CardioFunk, Hip Hop, Strength and Resistance, etc. I had a great time in all of them. But the one class I couldn't get a pulse on was Yoga. Don't get me wrong. I tried. And tried. Just didn't do it for me. You know why? Because I have extreme trouble calming my mind. And usually that's the basic tenet of yoga, no? I wanted so badly to be a yoga person...the clothing alone was awesome...but alas, not in the stars for me.
How I wish I could calm my mind. It's the main reason I don't get enough sleep. I can't fall asleep until I'm so tired my eyes won't physically stay open. Even if I can crawl into bed at a decent hour, I need to read or watch TV until sleep takes me. If I don't, I'll lie awake in bed thinking the most horrific thoughts. Mostly to do with my family or with the kid. I'll envision us in a car crash or some other accident...I'll imagine the absolute horror of losing a loved one...I can't even type here the thoughts that paralyze me if I allow myself the possibility of thinking of them. Is this common with all mothers? Your entire heart is embodied in your offspring. Should anything, God forbid, ever happen to them, then you, as you know it, are finished as well. It's completely terrifying. I have been known, on more than one occasion, to lie in bed and just pray to God to give me ONE more day with the kid. I am a freak, I know, but lest you go calling the looney police on me let me make it clear that I don't let these thoughts rule my life. I still live life as it should be lived. I'm just more careful now that I'm a mom.
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