From the mouths of babes

Ah toddlerspeak.  Seriously, they should offer Phd's in trying to make sense of what your 2 year old is telling you.  Parents of little boys with poor enunciation would gladly pay someone for this service.  The kid is talking a lot now.  And I mean A LOT.  He had a verbal explosion overnight.  And he's not stopping any time soon.

The problem is that we can't always understand what he's saying.  I mean, we eventually get it, but you can tell that he's frustrated at us.  Dude, you should see the looks he gives us.  Like we're complete and utter morons because we can't understand what "washa wa" means.  The bigger problem is when he's trying to say something completely ordinary and benign, but it comes out sounding like a word or phrase that should not be used in polite conversation.  Parents should not teach little boys to identify trucks until they can clearly speak.  The other day we were driving to work/daycare and the kid sees a dump truck pass us on the road.  What does he yell out?  Yup, you guessed it, "Dumb fu*k!"  Nice.  Very nice.

At least that time we were in the car and it was just him and me.  The other day we were in Target and the kid is sitting in the cart.   Out of the blue, he gets super excited and points at something, exclaiming loudly, "Fu*k it, mommy!  Fu*k it!"  Ok, he's really not trying to say "Fu*k it!" but that's distinctly what it sounds like.  And that's exactly what people around me heard.  I have yet to figure out what object sounds like "Fu*k it" as I high-tailed it out of there as soon as I could.  There were giggles from some people, but there were definitely others who sneered at me with a look that unmistakably said, "Nice parenting skills, jackass."  And you know what?  I really, REALLY wanted to actually say, "Fu*k it!" to them.  I hate being judged.

But then there are times when the kid is RIGHT ON.  Take, for example, just the other night at dinnertime.  The kid and I are having the usual struggle.  He's standing on his chair and I'm nagging at him to sit down.  So we're going back and forth arguing and finally, he throws his hands up in the air, tilts his head to the sky and exclaims, "My GOD!"  Note that he says this in the SAME inflection as he has heard so many a time from mommy.  Then he sits himself down from the sheer frustration of it all.  It was like looking in a mirror.  Uh oh.

You know the next thing out of his mouth is going to be, "What's your drama, Heather?"