I love my husband. I do. I truly love him. For all the complaining I do about him, I know there is no one else in this world who I could share my life with so completely, so honestly, and exhaustively. Don't get me wrong, the man does drive me crazy more often that not, but how boring would it be if he didn't? But you know what? He gets me. He gets us. And that's REALLY special.
We definitely have our differences. Actually, we've got many. First and most noticible, we are a mixed-race family. I am Filipino and M is Caucasian. We grew up in different ethnicities, different cultures, different traditions. Now, we both grew up in Southern California, so while there are a lot of similarities, there are still just as many differences. When we first got married I explained to M my feelings on a bi-racial family. Truth of the matter is, Southern California is host to many, many different ethnicities, and, for the most part, I've always had a very diverse group of friends, even growing up. M did too. Because of the diversity of the area in which we live, I will say that I've never experienced outright acts of bigotry or discrimination, at least against me. Thankfully. But don't for a minute think that I'm not completely and consciously aware that I am different. That I come from a different background and culture. That's not a good or bad thing. It's nothing that hangs over my head or anything. It's just there. It's just a fact.
So I tried my best to explain this feeling of "different" to M. God bless him, he tried his best to understand, but without living it or feeling it in your heart, he and I both knew he wasn't really "getting" it. But my purpose in explaining this to him was so that he would know that his own children would feel this way. At least sometimes. And maybe more acutely because they would be bi-racial. Who knows...I am not bi-racial so I don't understand how that might feel. But M needed to know that even in a diverse society these issues are out there. It's easy to ignore them or live your life thinking/believing that they aren't there. I guess I was just trying to raise awareness.
M means so much to me because he embraces our differences. He embraces and loves that we come from different backgrounds. Even more important, he embraces the significance of raising children with the knowledge and appreciation of their heritage and cultural background. M supports and is excited that I try to speak to the kid in Tagalog...that I am adamant about my children being multi-lingual. He loves to try new and foreign things, in fact, he's more brave about it than I am.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because M told me the other night he was watching Oprah (and I'm sure he's going to KILL me for blabbing to the internet community that my husband watches Oprah - sorry babe) and an especially moving piece came on. It was called Breaking Down Barriers and it was an in-depth look at a "typical" American High School. What it revealed was underlying racial and class tension that you wouldn't automatically assume was there. But it was...and this high school accepted a challenge to attempt to create a more unified community. The episode touched something in M. He told me that now he felt he understood what I was talking about when I explained the "awareness". And he felt it because he understood that one day, almost certainly, he would have to deal with someone saying something or doing something or judging his kid not because of his character, not because of his personality, but because of his looks. Because of the color of his skin or the slant of his eyes. And that broke his heart.
I love that I share my life with someone who has the ability to open his mind and heart to let this stuff in. I love that I am raising my family with a man who will teach his children to do the same. I can be an awesome mother...I can try and give my children everything they need and want. But I cannot teach my son to be a man. Thankfully, he has one of the best examples I've ever met.
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